You do You - E

... but perhaps the most important lesson I learned in this class wasn't how to write a quality essay in forty minutes, nor how to write without the flowery bullshit, but rather how to just listen to myself.

This may sound like a strange/conceited notion, but it's essential to living an authentic life.  Being a teenager, it seems as though everybody wants to have a say in how you live your life.  My mom, dad, nana, sister, friends, guidance counselors and probably even my dog want to put their two cents into whatever decision I have to make.  This can be very overwhelming.

The key here is something I have been in the process of discovering for the past few years - you need to do what you feel is right for you because you're the one that has to live through whatever decision. Sure mom may think she knows best, and in most cases she probably does,  but it's important that you're the deciding factor.

This realization hit me after reading the texts of people from all different walks of life during AP Lang.  The thoughts written about by authors truly depicted how people's own selves and thoughts are very unique.  This got me thinking, would a successful decision for Ralph Waldo Emerson be as successful for Richard Rodriguez? Should Newton Minow listen to Francine Prose's advice on where to go to college?  Should Barbara Kingslover take the courses John Donne suggests?  The answer here, no, was so blatantly obvious to that I wondered why I had ever taken anyone else's advice.  Now this is an obvious extreme, but somewhat true nonetheless.  People have different capabilities, thoughts, emotions, passions, hatreds, etc., so any decision of mine should be made by the person that knows me best, me.  It just makes sense.

Now making a the right decision for yourself despite other's advice is one thing, but living with the criticism for that decision is another.  I first experienced this when I decided to drop APUSH in the very, very beginning of last year.  People still to this day ask why I dropped it because I'm a smart girl and would've done well and that I should've taken it (even some of my closet friends still say so!).  At first, I felt very guilty about this, that I wasn't living up to my potential and I was lazy.  But then I smartened up.  First of all, I hate history class and I always have.  Although I probably would've done okay in the class, it wouldn't have made me any less miserable in a class where students are supposed to have a passion for learning history.  Also, not taking that class didn't mean I wasn't as smart as people thought I was.  That is besides the point however because I don't have to justify my decisions to anyone but myself.  The point is that my gut told me that that class wasn't for me, so I shouldn't have to feel guilt for a decision that was best for me.  Dropping that class put me into perhaps my favorite class in all of high school, a sign that my gut was right.  All the students in APUSH were Machiavelli's whereas I was more of a Virginia Woolf.

Taking this class allowed me to see that people have different thoughts and gut feelings, so it is only right people should have differences of opinion when making decisions - and that's okay.  Only you know what's right for you.  I'll leave you with some wise words I hope you take with you forever...